Aircraft Attack

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-31

Dream

I’m with a group of people on a beach when a friend of ours lands a new fighter jet. He gets out of the cockpit and stands on the wing while we all admire his plane. Everyone panics when a squad of a dozen Japanese Zeros fly over the horizon. We have four planes of our own, counting the new one, and I jump into an older model jet. We scramble our planes to engage the Zeros above the beach. The dogfighting is incredibly compact and the main challenge is trying not to crash into the other planes as we weave through the sky, but I still have plenty of time to lock missiles and blow up some of the Zeros. The dream ends on what could have been stock footage for Top Gun but with WWII planes in the sights instead of MiGs.

Context Explanations

A Zero is a fighter aircraft used by the Japanese during World War II.

Plot Holes

No way could modern jet fighter and seventy year old propeller planes have anything resembling the dogfights that I was imagining. We also have to assume that this is the type of beach you could land a plane on.

Erection?

Top Gun Inspiredly Yes

Analysis

I’m a big fan of Top Gun, so I guess dreams about dog fighting are only natural. The beach is probably from an episode of Futurama I saw where they landed spaceships on a beach and the left huge furrows in the sand. A professor in college taught us about how capillary forces in sand can create a vacuum pressure that can increase the bearing capacity of sand to a level were planes can land (busting out facts like this is why I don't feel like I'm wasting my education). I also have a fondness for the aesthetic design of WWII era planes, although the Zero isn’t one of my favorites.

Auguries

The Zeros coming over the horizon are symbolic of the Pearl Harbor attack. An attack will come from an unexpected source.

Crappy Car

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-30

Dream

I’m driving my old work car and I want to make a turn up ahead. I hit the brakes but the car barely slows down. I realize that the breaks are bad and pin the pedal to the floor with both feet. The velocity remains virtually unchanged and I miss my turn, finally creeping to a stop a block past it. I throw the car into reverse, since I’m determined to make my turn. I give it a three second burn and a few short controlled bursts of acceleration to propel myself backwards at a low enough speed that I'll still be able to stop with my bad breaks. I still miss the turn again. I’m right back where I started, and now there's spontaneously a downhill grade approaching the turn. I ride the breaks pressed to the floor the whole way down the hill but never get to a speed where I can make the turn. I wake up still feeling incredibly angry at my old work car.

Context Explanations

I used to drive a car at work that had over 200,000 miles and had developed a few mechanical issues. The breaks were never as bad as I perceived in the dream, but we had our problems.

Plot Holes

I’m assuming I’m the only car on the road if I could just reverse down a whole block.

Erection?

Frustratingly Yes

Analysis

I’ve combined driving my old work car with driving on snow and ice. Tis the season of winter driving, and this dream was an expression of the sudden panic I feel when my car isn’t breaking as fast as I anticipated, combined with my old frustrations with the work car.

Auguries

Three attempt and three failures foreshadow future attempts to reach my goals.

Pet Peacocks, but Not Really

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-29

Dream

I’m on a small rise overlooking a green field. Some people I know are sitting in a row of lawn chairs at the far end. Gazing up into the sky I see two blue creatures fly over, and I wonder if they're peacocks as they spread their tail feathers to reveal one in each color of the rainbow. Both animals land in the field and begin running around in wide circles. I move around the perimeter of the field so I don’t spook them as I head back to my friends in the lawn chairs. When I get a closer look at the creatures I see that they are actually blue terrier dogs with large bird like tails. When I tell my friends this they don’t believe me. To prove it I capture one of the creatures (by standing in the path of its circle and grabbing it as it runs past), and bring it back to my friends. I then attempt to tame the animal by pinning it on its back and staring into its eyes to establish dominance (yes!). The dog struggles and tries to bite me, which I worry might be poisonous since the creature is clearly genetically engineered. The taming apparently works because we take both animals back with us to a mansion. I’m lying in a bed with a colleague discussing the possible origin of the animals, but we keep getting interrupted as someone jerking the covers off the bed. My colleague sneaks out a side door and burst through the main door of the bedroom to catch the culprits. He only finds the two blue dogs at the foot of the bed and we begin to suspect that they may be smarter than we previously believed.

Context Explanations

I once heard that you can cure a dog of disobedience by pinning it on its back and staring into its eyes. It will then regard you as the pack leader and do what you say. I would not recommend you do this to wild animals.

Plot Holes

The hypothesizing in bed is a little odd, but I often do some of my best thinking in bed so I will let it slide. It is unclear how an animal with only tail feathers flies.

Erection?

Theoretically Yes

Analysis

Um? I played a video game yesterday that involved sneaking around a mansion, so that is where that stuff came from. I’ve had no recent contact with either terriers or peacocks that I can remember. I did watch Jurassic Park again the other day so that could be the source of the genetic engineering, but maybe not. This one is a mystery.

Auguries

The green field is peace and the multicolored tails are homosexuals. The homosexuals will seek peace, but some jerk is going to come along and try to establish dominance over them. 

A Prisoner of Mars

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-29

Dream

I receive a message from a friend saying he has been captured by Mars Colonists and they are using him for his scientific knowledge. He warns me that I may also be in danger, but before I can do anything I’m also captured (the specifics are fuzzy). I’m taken to Mars and imprisoned in a small dome shaped structure built of mostly glass and located in the middle of the barren Martian landscape. I slide one of the windows part ways open and an intensely strong and cold wind blows through until I close it again. Soon, two military looking individuals arrive in an open top Jeep to take me for questioning. When they arrive at the door I realize that I’m not wearing a shirt and hurriedly clothe myself. I feel embarrassed as they take me to the Jeep.

Context Explanations

Sometime when I’m home alone I don’t wear shirts and then I get embarrassed when people knock on my door.

Plot Holes

I don’t know what knowledge I would have that Martian Colonists would find useful or why they would have to imprison me to get it.

Erection?

Questionably Yes

Analysis

I watched the end of the new Total Recall movie recently and was mad that the colony wasn’t on Mars anymore. The 1990 version of the film was better in every way that I care about. I wish my dream would've had sweet mutants.

Auguries

Mars is the harbinger of war and the cold wind represents the north. Canada is going to invade the U.S.!

They’re Trying to Kill Jimmy

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-25

Dream

Jimmy is in danger of an assassination so we place a force field around him as protection. Next, we pour the inside of the force field full of concrete for even more protection, and Matt and I stand guard around it. We hear a noise in the bushes and head over to investigate. When we turn around there is a drilling device on the back of the concrete block that has sent an object tunneling towards Jimmy. Before we worry about who put it there, we hurriedly break away the front of the concrete and pull Jimmy to safety, just in time. It’s suddenly time to head back to class so Matt and I forget about assassins and leave for the school together. Before entering a classroom, Matt tells me not to worry about the fact that he is in an odd class (one that I would never pick), because he chose it for a reason. I tell him that I haven’t even moved to the next class yet since I keep getting into trouble (also for a reason). We part, knowing we may not see each other for a while.

Context Explanations

Jimmy was a friend I had in high school.  He was short and I used to be a patronizing ass about it. Matt was a friend who I played online games with in my dorm years at college who I’ve only met in person a couple times.

Plot Holes

How was Jimmy supposed to breath while encased in the concrete block?

Erection?

Incoherently Yes

Analysis

Back in the day Matt and I were a good team but I haven’t talked to him in years. Going to different classes represents that our lives moved on from when we used to play online video games all the time and now we don’t stay in contact. I wouldn’t go back to my life in the college dorms, but I miss my friend sometimes.

Auguries

Jimmy is in serious danger of assassinations. Maybe I should call him, but I don’t know his number so whatever.

Scrapyard Paintball

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-25

Dream

I’m playing paintball in a scrapyard, and everything is made of silvery metal (aluminum stockpile?). I’m up against roughly eight opponents and we are all equipped with inaccurate pistols. My enemies are dresses in black which stands out sharply against the silver metal, and they have the habit of standing half out of cover. I’m positioned behind some tipped over bleachers that offer me solid protection. My plan consists of slowly peeking around the left side to engage the guys in black one at a time (who are nicely spread out so that they can’t support each other). After easily shooting a few exposed enemies (the pistols are supposed to be inaccurate but I hit everyone with the first shot) one of them tries to run up to my cover and flank me, but I hear him coming. I switch to the right side of the bleachers and shoot him while he’s in the open. After shooting everyone I can see from the bleachers I move to the top of a stack of boxes. I have the high ground and pick off a couple more bad guys who are completely failing to hide. The last target is escorting two hostages and is standing in the middle of a metal building. After I give him a shot to center mass the game is over and I get debriefed by some military officers. It seems that this was training for an important mission (possibly a hostage rescue). The dream ends as a head to a transport plane to leave for the mission.

Context Explanations

I used to play paintball in high school, but we played in dry creek beds not scrapyards.

Plot Holes

No sugar plums.

Erection?

Covertly Yes

Analysis

I’m sad about the fact that I haven’t been paintballing in a long time, and I watch too many action movies.

Auguries

Shooting people in a silver environment means that I will kill to make money (metaphorically?).

Chopping Wood in a Sporting Goods Store

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-23

Dream

I’m working in a sporting goods store and we are preparing for a big sale. Adam is trying to light a fire for a camping display, but he’s trying to start with whole logs. I explain that he is going to need kindling to get the fire going, and help him to get it working. After the fire is burning we use big umbrellas to catch the smoke (we are indoors). I’m wondering why the fire alarms aren’t going off. This was only practice for the sale and for the actual event the boss decides that I should be in charge of the fire. We still only have unsplit logs and the sale is about to start, so I start chopping the wood into kindling right in the store (I’m assuming we had a splitting maul in stock). The boss is giving a speech to rally the crowd at the front of the store while I hurry to light the fire. I get the fire going just before the shoppers arrive.

Context Explanations

Adam was my coworker back when I used to have a job, and he also works part time at a sporting goods store. I have a bit of a reputation as a good fire tender. It's one of my many skills that for some reason completely fail to impress women.

Plot Holes

Why would I get a job in a sporting goods store? I would be terrible at selling things and helping shoppers.

Erection?

Pyromanically Yes

Analysis

I pine for a job where I can do things that I enjoy and am good at, like tending fires. I also miss working with Adam I guess. I also planned on going to a sporting goods store later in the day.

Auguries

The fire symbolizes a consuming desire, and the wood chopping symbolized badassery (think Rocky IV or Seven Samurai/Magnificent Seven). I’ll be consumed by striving to be badass in the future. Also in the present. And the past too.

Undead Assault

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-21

Dream

A group of British space travelers are colonizing a new planet. Shortly after they arrive a plague starts to spread that causes large red sores on the skin and is deadly after a short time. Before they get that sorted out an army of undead arrives. Their town is on a hill with a fortified wall built around it, and the undead are landing boats in the nearby bay. The dream turns into a real time strategy game and I’m trying to repel wave after wave of undead with medieval infantry. Two huge ships of undead arrive and the odds are overwhelming so the British retreat behind the fortifications. Now I’m controlling a vampire unit and trying to fly over the wall. The flight controls are terrible and I can’t get it to work. The undead army moves away from the city after this (I’m guessing because they can’t breach the walls?). I notice a building near the beach that has multiple squads of pikemen standing around it and realize it is a unit spawner for my army. I debate if I should use these units to pursue the undead or guard the shore.

Context Explanations

A unit spawner is a video game construct the continuously generates game pieces. In this case, squads of pikemen (dudes with long spears). All my other video game jargon should be fairly understandable.

Plot Holes

I’m not real sure why people capable of space travel were engaging in medieval style combat, and this is possibly the first time that an army has ever been defeated by poor flight controls.

Erection?

Strategically Yes

Analysis

This seems like a big amalgamation of media I’ve experienced in the recent past. I see some Age of Empires II (real time medieval combat), Game of Thrones (undead armies and siege battles), Lego Marvel (poor flight controls), Dr. Who (British space travel), and Heroes of Might and Magic (unit design, especially the undead). The general plot is very similar my last dream, so you could probably copy that analysis for this one. I sure have a lot of dreams about vampires. Also, I think colonizing a new planet is crazy dangerous.

Auguries

This dream sounds kind of like Ragnarök. We’ve also been getting plenty of snow recently so this might be the start of Fimbulwinter. I’m pretty sure the apocalypse is coming.

Hitting Vampires with Folding Chairs

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-19

Dream

I’m running with two other survivors through a warehouse trying to escape some vampires. One of my companions is carrying a folding table and when we get to an overhead door we use it to make a barricade. The opening is wider than the table so we start adding folding chairs next to the table. More survivors start helping us build the barricade (aka waist high line of folded chairs), but now the vampire leader is taking chairs off from the other side. To stop him, I pick up one of the chairs and hit him in the head with it. The chair caused no damage other than messing up his hair. After I've been beating their leader about the head and shoulders for a while the vampires leave the warehouse (for reasons other than fear of folding chairs). Our group of survivors follow them out into an industrial park filled with numerous brick warehouses and grass lawns in between asphalt paths. Five female vampires break off from their pack to slow us down. I engage them, still wielding my folding chair. The vampires can run fast but can't turn well, so the fighting consists of them charging and me sidestepping and hitting them in the back. I'm trying to keep from getting surrounded while also leading them away from my group. One vampire heads towards the other survivors and I pursue. She finds three babies lying on the ground undefended. The dream ends just when things are getting exciting.

Context Explanations

Pure fantasy here.

Plot Holes

Were we in a warehouse full of folding furniture? Why would we follow the vampires that we were just running from? It was also daylight out, so I guess the vampires were daywalkers.

Erection?

Industrially Yes

Analysis

The vampires are my problems and the barricade of folding chairs is my feeble attempts to solve them. When the vampires leave it is the same as when my problems solve themselves, and then I follow because I find the conclusion somewhat unsatisfying.

Auguries

I should try to keep a better weapon than a folding chair handy in case I get attacked by vampires in the future.

Auras and Alternate Universes

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-17

Dream

I have the idea that I can change facts about the past and create alternate universes. Everything that is different in the new universe has a golden aura around it. The idea is shown by having my friend’s wife walk through the room, and then an auraed alternate version walks through. A few inconsequential items are also shown with auras.

Context Explanations

I was staying at my friend’s house when I had this dream. The dream was actually of the room I was sleeping in, from the perspective of where I was lying. My dreams aren’t usually that accurate.

Plot Holes

No real plot to speak of.

Erection?

Alternately Yes

Analysis

I’m a big fan of alternate universes. I’m also reading a book that discusses an idea very similar to this dream (no title because Spoilers). I don’t need to be dreaming to have fantasies about changing the past and creating alternate universes.

Auguries

Let’s say that the golden aura represents good fortunes for my friend and his wife.

Grave Digging with the Away Team

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-16

Dream

Riker has been taken into an underground mine and is being brainwashed by sinister aliens. He is rescued by a friendly Klingon and then Picard and Worf join them on the planet’s surface. There is a grave dug into the ground and for some reason they start digging another right next to it. Instead of shovels they are using elaborately shaped spears. At this point I get inserted into the dream so that the digging can get awkward as I keep getting in everyone’s way. The new grave has wooden shoring around it and I manage to hook some of it with my spear and accidently pry it out of place. Everyone looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Context Explanations

Riker, Picard, and Worf are characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Riker being brainwashed in a mine by sinister aliens isn’t an unreasonable episode plot (I think I actually remember an episode where exactly this happens).

Plot Holes

Why no Data? He’s my favorite character.

Erection?

Pogonophilically Yes

Analysis

I recently finished watching all the episodes of Next Gen, and I guess I’m jonesing for some more. I also feel awkward when trying to perform physical tasks with others.

Auguries

I don’t think two graves are exactly a good sign.

Borderlands, Bugs, and Yellow Balls

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-15

Dream

Shane and I are playing Borderlands, but not with controllers. We are living the game. We start out by picking up four bounty missions to kill some dangerous animals. The first three are completed without issues (at least none that I can remember, as this part of the dream is hazy). While heading to the last mission we are stopped by a military roadblock and have to take a different route (this has nothing to do with anything). We find the last animal and it's some kind of large fly that shoots slow moving poisonous yellow balls that can control your mind (all that and more). Shane gets hit by a ball and starts running around on all fours while also shooting yellow balls at me. Then another bigger fly shows up and adds even more flying yellow balls to the picture (by bigger I don’t mean the new fly was scales up, but it was like three of the original fly staked on top of one another. It was quite awkward looking). Now I’m in more of a bullet hell game and am fighting back by deflecting the balls at my attackers. All the yellow balls remind me of tennis and I wish I had a racket. After I've hit the fly creature enough times Shane is released from the mind control and we walk away while the fly is slowly dying of the poison (pretty hard boiled).

Context Explanations

Shane is my best friend and we've played Borderlands together quite a bit. Borderlands is a First Person Shooter video game with some fantastical creatures (no yellow ball shooting flies though). As usual, the dream wasn’t that true to the mechanics of the game.

Plot Holes

What happened to the big fly?

Erection?

Entomologically Yes

Analysis

Pretty sure this dream just shows that I enjoy playing video games with Shane. We have been doing it for so long that we have a natural rhythm that kicks in whenever we work cooperatively. Having him become mind controlled and losing his support is the worst thing that could happen, but we still came out good in the end.

Auguries

Shane and I will kick as at video games. I don’t think I needed a dream to tell me that.

Runaway Dog in a Thunderstorm

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-14

Dream

I’m going to sleep in my childhood bedroom (but with the furniture completely wrong). My sister’s dog Ziggy is with me. A thunder storm starts and when I look out the window I see four Volkswagen sized clouds in a row flying past the window at a low altitude. They resemble jellyfish as they alternate flashes of lightning. Ziggy sticks his head out of the window, and before I can stop him he jumps through (we’re on the second story). Looking down, I see he’s alright but he jumped so far that he landed on the other side of the neighbor’s fence. I frantically run outside to rescue him from the storm. The fence isn’t enclosed, so I run around the front of the property and attract Ziggy’s attention. We then hurry back to the house.

Context Explanations

Ziggy and I have a tenuous relationship and I often find him annoying.

Plot Holes

Why was my window open during a thunderstorm?

Erection?

Oddly Yes

Analysis

My old dog used to freak out during thunder storms and I’m transferring that to my sister’s dog. Instead of hiding under my end table while shivering and breathing heavy, Ziggy acts really stupid instead. I guess I don’t have a super high opinion of his intelligence.

Auguries

The four thunder clouds represent the four in 2014, and also the four horseman of the apocalypse. The world is going to end on New Year’s Eve!

Cheating at Cards

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-13

Dream

I’m playing pinochle with my mother and sister (three handed I’m assuming). My sister has the bid and hearts are trump. During the first few rounds of tricks I catch a glimpse of her hand and see a large number of hearts including the ace, with another ace of hearts on the other side of her hand that hasn’t been sorted. I also remember that an ace of hearts has already been played. This is one too many aces, and I realize that she’s cheating. After she plays all the aces I accuse her and she admits to it, with an explanation that she was taught to cheat by an uncle (unspecified). We stop playing and I leave to take a nap. When I wake up my sister is napping and she has new clothes that are the same as clothes I own. This is annoying and I wonder how we will sort the laundry. I try to tell my mom, but she is also napping (playing card is apparently very exhausting). Later, we play pinochle again to teach my sister how to play without cheating (like a good family).

Context Explanations

The rules of pinochle are more than I want to describe here but I will say that decks of pinochle cards contain two of each card, nine and above. My sister just recently learned to play.

Plot Holes

I was totally cheating by looking at her hand. At least I was clever enough to wait until the aces were played to cover it up.

Erection?

Strangely Yes

Analysis

I’m still dwelling on feeling about when my sister used to wear my clothes and my laundry was miss sorted.

Auguries

I should be watchful when playing cards with my sister, and possibly my uncles.

Missions and Museums

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-12

Dream

Everyone was split into two competing factions, and both factions were performing missions of some sort. My faction’s mission was accomplished without problems but the other faction’s went wrong and they lost some people. This made us nervous because we knew they would try to even things up during the next mission. On this mission, Ryan was on my team and he was stealing from us or betraying us in some way. Then I suddenly woke up or stopped hallucinating or whatever, and he was sitting in front of me. It was my birthday and he was going to take me to a museum in the country. I didn’t want to go but he thought that it was important that I see it (I gathered the impression that it was before I died or was gone). We started getting dressed to go and he (now Clay) had a clear bubble with a tablet dissolving in it. I was confused about how he planned to drink it because it appeared to be a thin elastic bubble that would burst like a water balloon when opened. He showed me that it was actually semi-rigid by holding it up and drinking some of the water out of a hole in the side.

Context Explanations

Ryan was a friend in high school who eventually started hanging out with other people (sort of like betraying my faction I guess). Clay is someone who I went to grade school with and I once went to his house for Halloween and it was really boring (similar to someone who would take me to a boring museum).

Plot Holes

Making the whole first half of the story into a hallucination is really weak writing.

Erection?

Illogically Yes

Analysis

I’m still not over losing friends in high school or boring Halloweens in grade school. I need to prioritize my problems. Also, I subconsciously think drinking out of a clear plastic container would be neat.

Auguries

The dissolving tablet means that maybe I should start taking vitamins.

Psychic Sex (this one in embarrassing)

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-11

Dream

It’s a Pokémon Battle, but instead of Pokémon my opponents are three traditionally attractive women wearing tight and revealing black jumpsuits (but they have slightly different hair colors so it’s like they are all attractive in their own special way. In theory anyway). I use a psychic sex attach (ugh), and it’s super effective. The wake up covered in semen (I’m a terrible person), and one realizes that she now has a penis (what is wrong with me?). At least they seemed more confused that abused.

Context Explanations

I have absolutely no explanation for this. I should add that this once again has no resemblance in any way to actually Pokémon games.

Plot Holes

Why would she wake up with a penis? Why would I do that?!?

Erection?

Embarrassingly Yes

Analysis

Okay, I can make this better. How about if the traditionally attractive women in revealing clothes represent actual the traditionally attractive women in revealing clothes, but the psychic sex attach is symbolic for the effect that these women have on me. These women turn me on regardless of if I want to be or not, and I view this as a kind of violation, hence the waking up violated. I can’t think of anything to explain away the penis though.

Auguries

I’m going to die a virgin. It’s... it's probably best for everyone this way.

Basketball Benching

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-10

Dream

It’s a high school boys vs. girls exhibition basketball game. The girls are given the ball to start the game (because apparently a jump wouldn’t be fair), but the boys steal the ball as it’s thrown in and score two points right away. This starts an argument because the girls don’t think it’s fair because they didn’t know who was covering who yet. While everyone is standing around discussing this one girl sneaks away with the ball and makes a three point shot. This is given to them as a way of evening things out, but the boys are still mad because the girls are a point ahead after the affair. I show up and am the one to throws the ball in for the boys, but someone else goes in to play for me and I get benched. I realize that I probably won’t get to play for the rest of the game. It is unsure if this is because I was the one who stole the ball and started the argument, or if someone finally realized that I’m not good enough to start on the high school basketball team.

Context Explanations

My full court press was the cat’s pajamas.

Plot Holes

Did I steal the ball? My first hand experiences don’t start until I’m throwing the ball in, so I’m not sure who it was or if I was even playing at the time. Maybe everyone had their mind wiped of the incident as it was the only way to solve the argument. That seems logical for an argument between high school boys and girls.

Erection?

Ambiguously Yes

Analysis

I distrust women to follow sport rules in the same spirit that men do (can be corroborated by this dream). It bothers me when different rules are applied to the different genders and it’s described as equal. I also have a very high opinion of my b-ball defensive skills (this is actually an analysis of the context section).

Auguries

I’m going to make an ass of myself in from of some women. This is more of a given than a prediction. Maybe the prophesy is just that I’m going to be around women, and the ass making is just an inevitable byproduct.

Vampires with Vision Problems

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-09

Dream

A family of vampires is concerned because their daughter is losing her vision. They somehow find a fruit that fixes the problem (convenient). An older male vampire comes to visit and also an aunt and cousin. The adults are having a discussion at the kitchen table while the girl and her (female) cousin eavesdrop outside the room. The adults get angry that the visiting man is rich and that the aunt lost her version. My dream retcons some coke-bottle glasses onto her. The dream switches to a scene with the mother and daughter and they are trying to fix some problems (unspecified) by putting the house out to sea (?). The mother leaves because the process will age anyone inside the house (?!?), but tells the daughter that it will be good for her to stay, which the daughter resents. The daughter then has a large dog with her whose name is Worf and she hugs him (awww). The seas turn rough, Worf is gone like he was never there, and one wall is suddenly missing. The daughter is considering if she could survive the swim to shore.

Context Explanations

Worf is a character from Star Trek: TNG, but he’s a Klingon not a dog.

Plot Holes

Putting your house out to sea to solve a problem is pretty illogical, but the part that really gets me is that they're vampires for no reason. It has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Erection?

Peculiarly Yes

Analysis

I’m disturbed by the fact that my vision is getting worse as I get older, I pine for the simplicity of a life at sea, I want to hug Worf, and I think that making everyone a vampire can make any story interesting.

Auguries

The rough seas and the idea of swimming to shore mean that I will face hard times and need to make a difficult decision.

Futuristic Building Materials and Crappy Contests

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-07

Dream

The main idea was a new material based on small units shaped like two cones connected at the pointy end. If the pieces were connected side by side (unidirectional) then they would make a strong but flexible belt. If connected alternately horizontal and vertical (bidirectional) they made a rigid beam. The material was used to makes bikes due to its light weight and could apparently be used for every part of the bike. The pieces were always black or forest green. Throughout the dream, flashes were shown of a women’s bike race conducted on self-constructed bikes. The bikes never seemed to be working very well, but there was a wide variety of designs. Some were traditional, some had pedals that drove both front and back wheels, and some had a single tread like tire instead of wheels.

The later part of the dream was about another competition involving the new material, but also Pokémon! My friend Shane was a contestant and I was there watching him. Two islands were in a bottomless pit and connected by rope bridges made from the invented material. Three boss Pokémon had to be beaten in the cleverest way possible, and maybe the fastest. Shane’s plan was to use an exploding kamikaze Pokémon on the first boss since he was standing on the bridge and if you blew it up he would fall into the pit and be gone in one move. At this point I noticed one of his Pokémon was the Heavy from Team Fortress 2 (it surprised me too). He said that the TF2 characters had been added as new Pokémon with some sort of lame story used to justify it.

Context Explanations

Shane is my best friend and we used to play Pokémon on our Gameboys back when it was a new thing (late 90’s nostalgia alert). Don’t worry if you don’t know anything about Pokémon because this story completely fails to resemble that game in any way.

Plot Holes

Were these women not allowed to design their bikes beforehand, because they are struggling to get them to move at all?

Erection?

Yes

Analysis

Advanced construction materials are something that I find interesting, so I guess I was trying to dream up something to build a space elevator with. The contests represent a feeling that technological advances are rarely used to their greatest benefit. I also have a deep seated fear that the TF2 characters will eventually be in all video games (based on Steam promotions this isn’t all that irrational).

Auguries

Pokémon foretell conflict, and the TF2 Heavy predicts destruction. Dark times are ahead.

Varsity Cardboard Construction Team

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-06

Dream

Members of  my old sports teams are building a giant cardboard dragon emerging out of a hillside. I’m not helping to build it but I keep walking past and eventually stop to talk with everyone. It starts to rain heavily and they have to stop building (the cardboard is totally okay though). We all make plans to go somewhere to eat. I get a ride in someone’s SUV and when we get to the restaurant we all sit at a big cafeteria table and reminisce about old football games we played and argue which teams were better.

Context Explanations

The cast is mostly based on my school’s seventh grade football teams (my school had two teams for that grade), but there are a few extras thrown in randomly.

Plot Holes

Everything? I guess it does follow an odd logic of sorts.

Erection?

Yes

Analysis

I’d recently played Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, so that’s where the dragon came from. The cardboard construction probably came from this They Might Be Giants music video. All the reminiscing was repeats of actual conversations that we used to have in the school lunchroom. This is all way too practical so let’s just say the whole thing actually represents my mother.

Auguries

Stay dry.

Hostile Softball

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-05

Dream

I’m playing softball. We don’t have enough people for a full team but we play anyway. While my team is batting I want to go base coach (I love base coaching) but the batting order is so short that I can’t leave (we’re somehow only batting five people although we’re fielding at least eight). We have runners on first and second, and when I’m heading out to bat I’m told someone else can’t play and I’m given their gear bags (for some reason?). When I get to the plate I have to set everything down and this annoys the pitcher who happens to be Anna. The first pitch is a ball (high) and the other team doesn’t have a catcher, so I have to retrieve the ball and throw it back. The next pitch is outside and the third one is a “chin music” fast pitch (we’re playing slow pitch). Anna gets even angrier when I take my base (only one, which confirms this isn’t co-ed league) because I don’t retrieve the ball. She throws a fastball over the plate and the umpire (who is also their coach?) counts it as a strike on our next batter before he even gets to the plate. Our runner on third then steals home (turnabout is fair play), grabs the ball, and throws it to me. Anna is furious now and the short stop (Barkley, who doesn’t really seem angry) gives her a baseball. She throws the ball at me but I block it with the softball I’m holding. Then she and the second basement are both threatening to throw balls at the same time, but I’m confident that the second baseman is going to miss.

Context Explanations

Anna and Barkley are friends of mine from grade school and they were also on my pee-wee baseball teams. Not necessarily context, but in my old softball league we started with 1-1 counts, so it only takes three balls to walk, and in the co-ed league men take two bases on a walk. Men also had to bat left handed in co-ed, which I wasn’t doing.

Plot Holes

Where are all these baseballs coming from?

Erection?

Yes

Analysis

I’m afraid of people who get irrationally upset over trivial matters (maybe women with power too?). More importantly, I still haven’t gotten over all the times people missed our softball games.

Auguries

Barkley was shown playing short stop, and will soon be promoted to a position of prestige and authority.

Africa Escape

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-04

Dream

A group of four women and I go to Africa, but while there we get attacked by some mercenaries. Three of the women are abducted but I escape by hiding in the river and breathing through a reed and the black girl in the group impersonates a local and gets away. The black girl and I then try to rescue the others while also having a shaky romantic relationship (brief naked spooning scene!). One girl was sold to a nearby man as a wife and we find and rescue her first. Another girl (Trisha?) was chronically sick and we find her at a tent hospital. It turned out that she had a mayonnaise allergy and was constantly dosing herself to remain sick. We were still looking for the last girl when the dream ended.

Context Explanations

Trisha was a girl I had a crush on in high school.

Plot Holes

Impersonating a local seems pretty farfetched, but I think the mayo allergy thing was pretty clever. Can you have a mayo allergy? Also, how am I interacting with all these women without things constantly being awkward?

Erection?

Yes, and actually justifiable this time

Analysis

I’m dream racist. But I’m also open to interracial dream relationships. Maybe I was imagining the next script for the Taken movies, where I get to be a young Liam Neeson.

Auguries

Cancel my African vacation.

Hollow Victories In Water Polo

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-04

Dream

I’m playing water polo with Chris covering me and I’m doing really well. I get the distinct impression that he isn’t trying very hard.

Context Explanations

Chris was one of the biggest jocks in my high school. Our version of water polo involved scoring by holding a volley ball in the pool gutters for three seconds while the other team tried to pry you off, so physical strength was fairly important.

Plot Holes

Seems pretty solid actually

Erection?

Yes

Analysis

It means that I don’t like my victories to be easy or I don’t feel satisfied, or maybe it’s just some sort of repressed homoerotic fantasy. Hard to say.

Auguries

Another pool! I should seriously go swimming.

The Cool Pool in the School

Date Dreamed: 2013-12-03

Dream

I’m hiding in an abandoned school from some ambiguous authority. The school is actually the hideout of a friend (Shane?) and my regular place has been compromised in some way. I’m busy sneaking around the dark hallways setting up some quasi-futuristic mines in key defensive locations. Later my friend’s son shows up with some people who want to use the pool, but luckily he knew how to disarm the mines.

Context Explanations

Shane is my best friend who I’ve known since grade school. He does not have a son.

Plot Holes

Who put this Olympic sized pool here?

Erection?

Yes

Analysis

The authority represents society and me hiding from it is the same is quitting my job to work from home. The abandoned school shows that I have moved beyond the school age in my life (school’s out if you will). The mines are symbols of all the self-deprecating, repellant, self-sabotaging actions that I tend to surround my work with, but the people disarming the mines and using my pool are those who aren’t deterred by my defenses and show up to enjoy what I have to offer (my writing in other words).

That got kind of deep.  

Auguries

The pool means that maybe I should renew my YMCA membership. I haven’t been swimming in a while.